if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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