I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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