Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
That accounts for only three of the penises
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
