As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
