Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
