I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
