So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
