yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
