i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
