2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
