i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
