literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Can I color on your dick again?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
