What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
