It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He kissed a someone with a penis
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
what day is it and did you see me today?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
