Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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