FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
