You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
