It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
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