the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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