I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
