the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
