He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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