I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
