i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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