I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
