if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
