She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
