Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
no more duck duck goose at the bar
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Randomize
