What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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