What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize