Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
