So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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