Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
