38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
