between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
