In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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