I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
