Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
