smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think I died a long time ago.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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