The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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