I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
