Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
