nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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