maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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