Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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