he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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