i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
