Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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