i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
