wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's rum buckets o'clock
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
