Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I know her cup size but not her name....
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
