i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
