Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
