He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
