He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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