Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
