we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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