I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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