I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
