The maid of honor just puked.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
