Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
