Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
