in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
