Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
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Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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