just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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