Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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