I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
