I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
