Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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