Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
