Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i've created a new STD.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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