when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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