Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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