mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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