Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
