Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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