WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
