I'm sorry my penis didn't work
one two three fourrrrnication!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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