Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
