hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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