I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
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He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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