We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Send help, water and tortillas.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
