So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
