Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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