He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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